Dating a recovering alcoholic woman
Rather than nurturing their child’s sense of self, these parents used their child to attempt to uplift their own vulnerable ego. Ideally, every baby born into this world is surrounded by unselfish, patient love and nurturing from at least one or two parents.
This comes primarily form the mother in the very beginning, who is supported by a loving, consistent partner.
I’ve been to an Al-Anon meeting but it’s not enough.
Often, finance, children and other circumstances prevent any simple solutions.
The more inconsistency and chaos in the household, the more stress on the baby–which means more cortisol produced in the body. Stressed babies = babies that can’t develop the trust and calm that allows them to fully thrive.
This post describes what it’s like to grow up in an alcoholic family.
They are trying to understand the person they love, or are trying to love, but they don’t know how to decipher the code of adult children of alcoholics.
I consider an “adult child” someone who was raised by child-like parents, insecure, needy, narcissistic parents; parents who were unable to assist their children in forming their own, independent sense of self during childhood.
Yet, because we were raised in chaotic environments in which we had to be ready at any moment for a family battle, our sensitivity is hidden in a hard-to-get-at steel wrapper. Once we know someone, we always have their best interest in mind, and will defend them against all harm to the full extent of our abilities.
But, I also notice that many describe their own addiction of sorts – to the partner.
A love and attachment you cannot shake, despite the consequences. My first suggestion would be to treat with skepticism any advice to take choice 1 over choice 2. And only you will know just how much sadness and anxiety is going to be inherent with either option.
As the years go on, the baby raised in a stressful, inconsistent home environment develops a battle-ready Fight or Flight response, does not develop the natural ability to trust, and thrives on chaos simply because it’s so familiar.
When the child’s parent is alcoholic and self-centered, the child never gets help processing their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences–so they learn to ignore themselves and focus on the needs of others instead, as they were trained to do.